Tag Archives: monday

Transformations: Monday Motivation-Living The Life of Mastery vs Mediocrity


I write a lot on this blog about changing yourself from the inside out. Becoming an “Internal Stylist”  to your personality is a very revealing and often surprising endeavor. “Character Tailoring” forces you to look in the mirror and see how you really think and feel about the real important issues in your life. This gentleman’s journey has had some  interesting twists and turns. And now I’m on the path to become the best possible version of myself. I feel as if I am giving my mind and heart a complete system overhaul like I would do my laptop. I’ve upgraded my attitude, re-installed my motivation and tweaked little habits here and there to run a little smoother, quieter and more efficient. The process has been full of crashes and reboots but I think I’ve become more compatible with my purpose and I’m now at version 4.0.

Maybe you’re in that same place, looking to upgrade, reboot and make some changes in your life to gain some mastery over your purpose or passion. Well, for most getting started isn’t an issue. We all have pretty good internal motivations. Some of us may not even have a problem staying the course. For most of us the trick I believe is staying balanced.

“Try not to think and act in extremes. Instead,  become a student of balance. There is wisdom in balance. Balance is the ability to see danger in excess or inertness. It’s the ability to  keep up our physical, mental, emotional & spiritual health-become a student of Balance.”

When we are balance we are able to look at ourselves in a constructive way (not too harshly or loosely) so that real change can be made and goals achieved. I often think about it this way: If the thing that you are reaching out for throws you out of sync with your health, relationships, your mental, spiritual and emotional stability, then you may be in danger of not being balanced. Mastery comes when we can say no to the interruptions of that balance. Life makes all of us its students, the key is learning in the least amount of time so we can get to our purpose faster. We do that by knowing ourselves, we get to know ourselves by questioning our motivations.

Some  people might say: “I don’t want to settle, sounds like balance is another word for mediocrity.” But balance isn’t like someone having no motivation at all. It’s the difference between doing nothing and doing too much at all cost. Here’s a suggestion: the next time you watch TVOne’s Life After or VH1’s Behind The Music think about the energy that was spent on the goals the person had and the physical, emotional and mental cost vs the happiness they did or did not gain. Ultimately, most of the people are happy because they found purpose or better yet, balance in the things that they are doing in their lives now . but it was only AFTER they learned to be balance did they really realize the full mastery of their purpose.

We all should live a life of passion, move closer to the thing that drives us to wake up in the morning and conquer our fears. Go out there.Work hard. Be. Do. Just remember to master the balance of goals vs the true cost to our happiness.

Dress Internally.


“Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought.”

Henri L. Bergson (French philosopher, 1859 – 1941)

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Transformations: Men, Self-Esteem and Relationships

In a earlier post I talked about a man’s perception of beauty. Now, I can’t and wont speak for most men. However, I think a discussion on a man’s self-esteem as it relates to his choices in his relationships is worthwhile. Self-esteem is not just a woman’s issue. With the economy being in serious trouble and the earning roles of families changing, some men are having to re-examine themselves in ways they never had to before. The epidemic of “Father Hunger” in our communities also has had a massive effect on the way some men feel about themselves. With these issues in play, a man’s self-esteem can be deeply connected to the choices made in terms of the women they choose to sleep with, date or even marry. Even if he had a father or depending how he was raised, a man’s self-esteem can decide if  he sees a woman as a threat to his “man-hood” or a partner in his relationship.

If a man sees himself as a “ladies man,” observes the way his peers treat women and under subtle peer pressure, become emotionally detached, seeing woman as nothing more than objects to be played with, used or even worse, treated with disrespect.

If he’s an “aggressive man” he may have seen the way his Father treated or controlled his Mother and carried that over into his own relationships, possibly leading to emotional and physical violence.

If he is a “passive man” he may not have had a father to guide him or observed a dominating Mother and now chooses women who either do the same to him or don’t encourage him to take the lead in the family.

Hopefully through it all he aspires to be the healthy balance of an “assertive man” who understands the need to use his power to protect and encourage, his wisdom to guide the course of his life, love to fill his life with humility and mildness to see her as his partner and life-mate.

Now I know that you can’t put all men into these categories but what you can do is ask yourself do I fit into one of these types of men? Can I strive to be embody the qualities that will move me closer to becoming a better man than I am now? Food for thought.

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Transformations: Monday Motivation – Ten Things to Remember and Avoid This Week

A good friend sent this to me about a year ago in an email and I thought it would be a good idea to frame a post around it. As we all start our week, it would be a great way to reinforce good habits  that have gotten us to where we are now, but also shine a microscope on things we may need to improve on.  Life for most of us has become ever so stressful and for some of us maybe even difficult, but if we can focus on these ten do’s and dont’s it may help change at least the way we feel about ourselves and improve our relationships with others.

Ten Things To Remember:

1. Do kind things for others without expecting a reward
2. Always improve yourself
3. Take responsibility for your own shortcomings
4. Complement yourself when things go well
5. Nurture friendships and relationships
6. Be aware and pay attention
7. Meet new people and try new things
9. Slow Down
8. Look up
10. Believe that good things can happen to you.

Ten Things To Avoid:

1. Don’t hide behind emotional walls
2. Don’t judge others
3. Avoid self-pity
4. Never forget that there will always be greater and lesser gifted people than yourself
5. Never let fear stand in your way
6. Never let your inner voice put you down
7. Avoid negative people
8. Try not to be suspicious of others without good reason
9. Don’t put yourself down in front of others
10. Don’t be a tool.

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The Sounds: Tycho

Tycho is a group from San Francisco that makes IDM or “Intelligent Dance Music”, music that evokes feeling of reflection and mental transportation. Loosely put, they could be set as a soundtrack to our metropolitan lives. I chose the track “The Day Dream” because its Monday and who really wants to be at work today.



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The Sounds

I want to introduce you to some of the new sounds I’ve been listening to. I’ve always-loved music, especially sounds that not only entertain but challenges my ears to re-evaluate what defines music. I think every gentleman should have an appreciation for music, especially the classics, whether that is the cool intonations and improvisations of Jazz, the wailing rhythms of Rock n’ Roll, the sensual swagger of R&B or the soothing sounds of Classical music. I have my favorites, but recently I noticed that am becoming increasingly attracted to the sub-genres in music. Electronica is such a broad genre, I thoroughly enjoy all of its cousins: Down-Tempo, Trip-Hop, Chillout and Ambient. For me, when I hear a song, I immediately attach it to a memory or an event. so It has to move me in some way either happy or melancholy. My mood is affected as well so I try to choose very wisely.

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