Tag Archives: marriage

Transformations: “Diva’s Wanna Know”- Her Love Questions Answered Part III

A few months ago I was asked to take part in a blog series called “Divas Wanna Know” by @Jendiva of Mind of a Diva, a great blog for women full of empowering posts that encourage women to redefine what it means to be a Diva.

This is part three of questions that women wanted to ask men in a frank and honest way. Here’s part I & part II.

What questions would you have asked? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

1. How will you know when you’ve met the right woman? Or if you’re in a relationship how did you know?

For me it was a slow realization. As I spent time with her all my fears (yes we get scared too, no matter what we tell you) began to dissolve and I realized this was the person I NEEDED to be with (her personality complimented mine) and WANTED to be with (she is the one that I want to spend all of my time with) and when I realized this I had to marry her.

2. Is it important for you (as a man) to have a partner (wife) that is an intellectual equal or are there more important factors that you consider?

What’s more important is similar VALUES. What does she BELIEVE in? What motivates the course of her life? Sure intelligence is important, but what good is all that intellect if she doesn’t share the values you hold dear?

3. Why do men use texting, email, chat, and other nonverbal methods to end a relationship? Why do they feel that’s acceptable?

Unfortunately this is a generational thing, it’s irresponsible, disrespectful and lazy. What used to be a cop-out confined to High School and College is now infiltrated into “adult relationships.” Grown men in their late 20’s and up to their 40’s are using texting as way to deceive and avert responsibility. Why? Because way before the relationship is over, he’s already divorced his emotions and doesn’t want to deal with the woman. In his eyes sending a text, email or any other non verbal communication is his way of not dealing with the “emotional drama.” However, If a man needs to have a serious conversation with his woman it needs to face to face, period.

4. What does it take for men to commit to a relationship?

I can’t speak for other men but for me I needed to connect and feel that she appreciated the time and effort I put in opening myself up to her, sharing my values, goals. When I know she and I are on the same page or even despite our differences we are able to respect each others mental, emotional and spiritual pursuits, that’s when I knew that I needed to be with her forever.

5. Do you think it’s important to feed yourself spiritually? If so, how do you feed your soul?

I think it’s very important. I believe it’s what keeps you grounded to a theme and a purpose in your life. I try to stay actively involved my place of worship. I read a verse in the Scriptures that relates to a specific dilemma or even a character trait I’m trying to develop. Wisdom and humility are the two that I’ve tried to work on and master.

6. As a man do you feel that women’s standards are too high when they are looking for someone to date/be in a relationship with?

That depends on what their standards are. In reality it’s all about mirroring the qualities you want a mate to have in your own life. Honestly speaking, you can’t want a specific quality In a man that you don’t already have in yourself. That’s only fair. One of my Twitter friends once said “You can’t ask for Superman unless you are at least a Wonder Woman.”

Dress Internally – TheStyleGent

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Transformations: “Diva’s Wanna Know”- Her Love Questions Answered Pt I

A few weeks ago I was asked to take part in a blog series called “Divas Wanna Know” by @Jendiva of Mind of a Diva a great blog for women full of empowering posts that encourage women to redefine what it means to be a Diva. These were questions that women wanted to ask men in a frank and honest way. I re-posted my answers here. I’m curious, what questions would you have asked? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

1. What is your definition of a man and what can a woman do to make you feel way?

I think that a man should embody these four qualities:

Love: Love of God, love of self and love for others, especially his family.

Wisdom: He should strive to become a man of deep focus, learning more about himself, his purpose and using his life experiences to encourage and inspire others.

Justice: He should strive to be a man of integrity, always creating an environment of genuine respect, rising above the divisive pettiness of aggression and violence and replacing it with honor and civility.

Power: He should develop the mental, emotional and spiritual acuity to control his internal reactions to his external surroundings. he should use his physical strength not to oppress, but to protect when called upon.

When she is encouraging, motivating, supporting and sometimes even challenges her mates aspirations, he becomes more courageous, confident and purposeful, knowing he has the backing and support from the woman he loves.

2. In regards to romantic relationships, what are your fears and why?

Because I’m more open with my emotions I used to be afraid of scaring a women off, appearing clingy, giving a little too much too soon. To protect myself I used to try to shut down my feelings to not to appear “soft” or “emo.” That only led to a breakdown in communication and ultimately the demise of the relationship. I had to come to embrace my own dating style and now I’m very happy with the woman I’m with because she appreciates that openness.

3. What are your ‘deal breakers’ in terms of someone you are considering being serious with?

I always knew that I had to have a woman who has a deep sense of spirituality. It would be the one thing that would keep her focused and grounded on the right things in life. A Proverbs 31 woman would be the complete package. I also knew that I would need to be the same…focused, industrious, loving etc. I’m fortunate enough to have found her and our spirituality keeps us close and our relationship thriving.

4. Do you prefer women that wear their natural hair of fake hair more and why?

Personally it doesn’t matter to me. I’m aware of how a woman’s hair is her “crown” and an important piece of her esteem, so for me I think if it makes you feel good about yourself then great! My wife has had her hair long, permed, natural, straight and short. She is still beautiful no matter how she wears it.

5. What are your feelings about dating/marrying outside of your race?

I’ve dated outside my race before and I think it broadens your love horizon. Since love has no color I think everyone should be open to find that special person no matter where or what the culture may be.

Do you feel there’s a still a stigma against interracial couples or is it no longer an issue?

I think the fact that we still are talking about interracial relationships means it still is an issue with most people. I think the younger you are the less it may make a difference.

6. Would you be bothered if you were dating or married to a woman that was more successful or made more money than you? Why or why not?

No. As long as she didn’t make it an issue between us. When I first met my wife she made twice as much as I did. As the years went by my paycheck drastically increased and I made more. What made these changes easy to deal with is the consistent way we felt and dealt with each other. She never made me feel that my manhood was attached to my paycheck. In these tough economic times It’s important that we not make the mistake of not tearing down each others self-esteem.

Ultimately what we need to sustain a good relationship can’t be measured in dollars and cents. It’s measured in qualities, habits, deeds and respect for the other person.

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“To have and to hold”.

We all treasure our independence, our need to be free, and the sense of unencumbered exhilaration and bliss. Yet, deep down we also have to be wanted. Wanted by our friends, family, spouses and significant others. There is nothing like knowing that the ones you love want you, there is a warm sense of security in that. Like a comfy blanket that surrounds you on a chilly winters night.

It’s cold outside…thousands of things that seep into our mind that make us question our self-worth: our jobs that tests and ranks the level of contribution we add to the industrial machine, our religions that can either affirm or condemn our spirituality, our nations that challenges and questions our loyalty, and even our own intimate circle of friends and family can leave us distraught. Yet sometimes, if you are fortunate, you can stumble onto by complete accident or the sheer force of will and determination, someone who will have us as we are: fragile, fractured and fearful. Holding us to a better standard than we are used to or were willing to make. Someone that will bring out the best parts of our personality, without limiting our need to feel free. For some the search is on, still continues or is just begun. For others a new journey is underway…the ability to keep what is yours in your possession.

“To have…and to hold.”

Don’t Let go…

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