Tag Archives: authenticity

Monday Motivations: “No Makeup” Today

I don’t usually don’t write a lot of posts on women, but this Kendrick Lamar song struck me a certain way and I thought it best to talk to you today.

With all the pressures you face each day, the continuous assaults on your self-esteem, the pressure to keep up at work, at home and everywhere in between. This is an open letter of encouragement:

I know you’re single sister, trying to navigate through all the mishaps of dating, dressing  and Divatude. Keep stepping, keep reaching and just know that when the dust settles from all the moves you make, from all the goals you meet we like you when you’re just being yourself, Au naturel, tender strong, vulnerable and confident.

Wives, we love your support, your nurturing, your power, we want to woo you like The Song of Solomon, and appreciate you like Proverbs 31. You juggle your career, our house, our kids without missing a beat. Lean on us, trust in us and believe in us the way we believe in you. You inspire us to be better boys, better sons, better fathers, better men.

In the morning when you get ready in the mirror  remember-the lipstick, gloss, blush and eye lashes only enhance you…so in honor of that beauty….

We see  the real you. We appreciate the real you.

“No make up today.”



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Monday Motivations: The Power Of Simplicity

Most men like to keep things simple, uncomplicated and uncluttered. I am NOT a simple man. I’m long winded, passionate and at times maybe even a little too serious. People who know me say that I can take 30 minutes to tell a 5 minute story. I will cop to this. I like details, embellishments, I like to hear and see all angles of a subject before I form an opinion. Sometimes though, only a few ideas or facts are needed to move us forward. With that said I’m learning to embrace the power of simplicity. It’s a work in progress but I’m getting there.

When I think about the climate of the world, I think we all could use some of that simplicity today; simple living that keeps us from spiritual, emotional and financial trouble. Simple living that helps us in times of adversity, simplicity that doesn’t resign itself to mediocrity but finds honor in living with charity, responsibility and clarity.

Simplicity allows us to let go, to strip things down to its natural essence, see things for how they truly are. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy; it just means that it is easy to understand. My grandparents & great grandparents were humble people with simple values; “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” was the adage that they lived by. My grandfather (90yrs) once  called himself a “Blue Collar Gentleman.” I laughed but found that incredibly cool. “Work hard, provide for your family, don’t live outside your means and have a little fun in between.” was his only advice to me. Simply put, powerful words, wise advice.

My life will always be filled with changes, stops, starts, fits, failures and successes, but through it all as I get older and raise my family, I slowly realize that the collective wisdom of my grandparents & great grandparents and the simple wisdom they lived by could be of tremendous help for us today.

See? I got this post done in fewer than 500 words…progress!

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Monday Motivations: Shaking the Jekyll and Hyde Masculinity

Fredric March in production still from Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde (1931, dir. Rouben Mamoulian)

(photo by Gordon Head, via Hollywood Horror: Gothic to Cosmic)

“Man is not truly one but truly two”, is the essence of the Novella -The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This novelette written by Robert Louis Stevenson in 1887- about 120 years back. It is still the widely read masterpiece today.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the two characters of the novella are but one; one body two conflicting characters, the good and evil. what I find interesting is that the attire Dr. Jekyll wears is the clothing of what gentleman wore back  then. Dr. Jekyll walks & talks like a well-groomed, well read and well-bred refined man. But as we know just underneath the surface lies something sinister, something that is nothing like the picture above. This picture got me thinking about being genuine and to question who we really are on the inside. Jekyll’s problems began with his motives and desires.

As men it’s important to aspire to refine our personality, take an honest look at our flaws and make the needed changes that will elevate us to a greater sense of self or more importantly closer to what it means to be a gentleman. No amount of clothing, acting or appearance of genteel behavior will change what we may really be on the inside. Alfred Hyde ultimately destroyed the life of Dr. Jekyll. This is a cautionary tale of how it is important for us to be genuine in our intentions and in our actions. Dr. Jekyll was a player who became a pawn in his own game. I equate Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde to “Players”, men who talk like gentlemen, act like gentlemen, dress like gentlemen, but just under the surface they are something quite different. Let’s change this. We live in a society that tells men to express their masculinity based on their clothing, possessions, sexual prowess, or their physical power. With so much emphasis on the surface and what is transient, it’s tough to really know who is genuine and who is not. In the end though what’s important is to aspire to be better, more in touch of who we are on the inside. “What good is a new suit if the man inside is rotten?”

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Monday Motivations: Fake It Til You Make It?


We’ve all heard the phrase “Fake it til you make it.” It’s the ACT of doing the things you need to do to give the appearance of having things together. I’ve never been comfortable with the saying or the concept. It’s deceiving, both to the one perpetuating and those who interact with him/her.  Admittedly in this “hustle harder” “I’m on my grind” tough economic world we live in, filled with all sorts of advice on how to be successful in business, networking and in our personal lives it’s easy to believe that we have to do this to keep up appearances. With this in mind I thought the message above was right on target.

How might a person be faking it? By being a Mr. or Ms. “Me Too!” Are you an entrepreneur? Me too. Are you a public speaker? Me too. You get the idea. Believing you are something is very different from actually BEING that said thing. People spend years to become proficient in these fields and take pride in the results these efforts bring and it would be disrespectful to the craft and the work that actually goes into becoming that said pursuit, passion or purpose if we were to put on our resumes or profiles titles that are not authentic to who we really are.  Employers can spot a “faker” a mile away and it could cost you the job. On social media sites it’s harder to spot,  but like all things there is a price nevertheless. Sooner or later your network will realize the lack of authenticity and will call you out on it.

So are you faking it or making it? No one can dictate whether you have “made” it or not. We can’t judge success based on someone else’s pursuits, passions and purpose. Success is relative to the individual goals we’ve set for ourselves. Each day we have a chance to create a life that fills us with satisfaction. Here at The Transformed Male we try to promote thinking, living, and being authentic. It’s not always easy to do.  Heck, I’m still “transforming” with each post I write. But the reward is a life that’s aligned created by YOU. Let’s do the work, put in the “sweat equity” so it looks good, not just on the outside but the inside as well.


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